Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
