Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
