biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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