Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
