I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
