apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I party with great urgency now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
