Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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