Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
