shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
