I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
