Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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