I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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