I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
