WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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