dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
