(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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