If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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