yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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