We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
