I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
