yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
