wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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