drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
