please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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