I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
high people should be assigned attendants
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
