if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
