he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
