i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
