those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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