He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
