party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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