I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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