she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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