Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
