Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
