Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
