I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
