Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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