Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
