No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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