so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
