apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
