I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
