Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
