Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
