Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
