I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
