Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
