Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
