very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
worst night to have a conscience
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
