So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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