Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
