I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
