I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
