is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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