Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
