Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
