I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
