I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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