everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
