her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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