Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am naked and annoyed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
