I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
