Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
