have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
