There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
