I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
