Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
