I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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