From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
