i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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