She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
