I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
