I accidentally burped into my bong.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
