Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
