You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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