Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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