i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
