meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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